Elliot/Things Elliot Was Banned From Doing In The USMC

explanation of these events 

this is a list of things that elliot either (a) got in trouble for, or (b) was informed he was not allowed to do ever, ever again.

1: my proper military title is “lance corporal sterling” not “princess anastasia”.
2: i am not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
3: i am not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
4: i am not allowed to add “in accordance with the prophesy.” to the end of answers i give to a question an officer asks me.
5: i was informed god may not contradict any of my orders.
6: i must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.
7: i must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
8: I was informed the irish mp's are not after “me frosted lucky charms”.
9: i was informed my name is not a killing word.
10: i am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
11: i will no longer perform "lap-dances" while in uniform.
12: if i take the uniform off in the course of the "lap-dance", it DOES still count.
13: when detained by mp's i do not have a right to a strip search.
14: i was informed that no, the pants are not optional.
15: the revolution is NOT now.
16: i am not allowed to drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
17: nor should i drink three quarts of red food coloring and scream during the same.
18: i am not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for my actions.
19:i am not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
20: i am not allowed to ask visiting army lieutenant colonels to sign my copy of blackhawk down.